A few of weeks ago, SITC co-owner Laura and I were invited to be guest hosts on a CBC program titled "The Morning After Show". This is a talk show headed by four local comedians where the premise is to, according to their facebook page, "get the deal on dating, relationships and encounters of a one-night-kind." Topics that aren't completely foreign to Ms. Bilotta and myself. Admittedly, this experience was initially a little overwhelming, considering it was my first time doing anything of the sort but thankfully the cast was gentle in taking my studio audience virginity. The segment I was assigned to, dealt with the issue of dating multiple partners at the same time. Some of the points that came up in my exchange with the cast and audience members are worth repeating here and certainly have relevance to those that are drawn to this site.
Of course some prominent examples of men in the public eye who have been found to be dating multiple women, much to their dismay, were mentioned. Specifically the scandal ridden Tiger Woods and America's other favourite golden boy, former Mr. Sandra Bullock- Jesse James. Now these two are being heralded as poster children for "Libidos Gone Wild", living symbols of the kind of men that women don't want to end up with. Images of Tiger Woods and Jesse James combined with those of David Letterman and the guy on Bones, formerly Angel (can't remember his name and can't be bothered to google it) recently joining the cheater's fraternity, make women claim to hate men who have prolific sex lives. But it wasn't the practice of dating more than one woman at once that flushed the lives of the aforementioned down the crapper, but it was their timing of it. Tiger didn't bother to indulge before becoming committed to a monogamous relationship and Jesse should've... well... never have been in one. Their behaviour wasn't evidence of a bullshit sex addiction, or a warped ego but a manifestation of their biological wiring. A necessary rite of passage that all men must pass through... and women too for that matter. In fact, doing so and doing it the right way can enrich the potential to have fulfilling relationships for both genders.
Having many viable options is always an ideal position to be in: a list of good schools to go to, several lucrative job offers to choose from, competitive price quotes on the major purchase being considered. Why should one's love life be any different? One of the best pieces of advice a mentor gave me once was when I find that one woman that I think I really seem to click with and can't stop thinking about, go surround myself with other women. I know that sounds like bizarre advice and it certainly did to me when I first heard it. But doing so is the perfect cure for "one-itis". You know, that terrible affliction of the mind you get when you think that somebody is the "one". It forces you to become fixated on a person to the point of doing stupid things like dropping the "L" word on them way too early or calling them at frequent intervals of the day like Jim Carrey's character in "Cable Guy". "One-itis" also has a very nasty side effect like becoming overly jealous, possessive and even abusive because you're not confident you can find anybody else. When you surround yourself with many strong, potential romantic choices you provide yourself many healthy distractions to becoming overly preoccupied with one person. Very quickly, you'll know who you have the best chemistry with and will naturally weed the less suitable options out. Having a prolific dating life will make the relationship you choose more solid. If you study the background of our buddy Tiger, you'd see that during his single years, he spent most of time in isolation, sharing hotels on the road with his father. Once married, he finds himself one of the wealthiest, most recognizable men in the world and in the best shape of his life, attracting more ass than a public toilet seat. That would be difficult for any man but never having had a carefree bachelorhood when he had a chance, didn't help Tiger's case any.
Don't get me wrong- I believe there's great value in having a sexually monogamous relationship and once you've committed to one, it's a commitment that should be honoured. But before taking the leap, get to know what's out there. Play safe, and have fun. Speaking of having many great options, have you checked out a Single in the City speed dating event yet?
Patrick considers himself equally as much a student of the game as he is a player of it. He worked hard to tranform from a self-confessed high school geek and religious zealot to a man comfortable around women and endowed with abilities to attract them. After amassing many books, "motivational" tapes and CD's, and pursuing university studies in human psychology in hopes to finding the key to dating success, he realized his greatest education would come from trial and error. Patrick admits to making plenty of errors and keeps making them. Does he have all of the answers? NO. But he does have some of them and they're pretty darned good ones. He urges his readers to be as skeptical of him as he was of the "experts". But more importantly, take action in figuring things out for yourself and to get out there and have fun in the dating adventure along with him.
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