Nobody said dating was easy, anybody at any age who's out in the dating world knows this. Sometimes it can be exhilarating and fun and other times it can be confusing and disappointing. Being single and running Single in the City, I've had and heard of many interesting dating experiences over the years. The stories I will be posting are "real life" dating experiences from either myself or other single friends. I'm sure some of these stories will hit home with many of you. Laugh along and pick up on some of the tips to help you become more successful in the dating world.
He who laughs last, laughs alone.....
I met Jim at one of my Single in the City speed dating events at Milestones. He wasn't participating in the event but he happened to be having dinner there with a friend. I asked him to participate, he declined and said that he'd rather watch so I told him that they could sit at the end of the bar. Jim was a 5'10 handsome fella, an architect working for a well established firm in the GTA. Separated for just over a year, he was a single dad of a 6yr old girl in which he shared custody. He had a great job, was a good father, handsome, in great shape and seemed kind sounds great right ladies?
For our first date, he asked me to go for dinner at a local Thai place. Well, it just so happened to be pouring rain that evening and he suggested that we order in. I jumped at the idea as I had spent 1/2 hour on my hair and didn't want it to get messed up....you know, girl issues. We were both starving, he was sorta taking over the menu so I let him be the man and order. He pulled out his credit card to pay and I stopped him telling him that I would get it because he was in my home. He backed off and let me pay which I didn't take too offensively as I figured that he may have just been respecting the fact that we were in my home. HUGE RULE though guys, if you're going to ask the girl out, be prepared to pay. That's right, it's such a turn off when a man isn't man enough to pick up the tab even if it's at her home.
The evening was going well; we chatted up a storm, ate plenty, drank wine and listened to music on the couch. Then suddenly, he starting bringing up his ex. Another HUGE NO NO, don't bring up your EX on the first date as it shows that you still have ex issues and that's not very attractive. You're not looking for a shrink, you're looking for a partner and if you are looking for a shrink, then go talk to a real one. Jim was on the wrong track but I still gave him a chance because he seemed to have a lot of good qualities, it was worth the try.
The day after he asked me to go workout at the gym I thought, wow, this guy is on the ball, he's not afraid to show interest and that's rare these days. After we worked out he headed home to pack as he was leaving for Georgia the next day with his little girl. All week he was messaging me on BBM, (Blackberry Messenger) I thought that was sweet. The day before he got home, he asked me to workout the next day then go for dinner. During the dinner, he spoke about his little girl a lot which was fine in my books but to others that's considered another DATING FAUX PAS. People want to get to know you in the beginning, not your children. If they fall in love with you, they will accept your children and if they don't, then it wasn't meant to be, move on!
Ok, so, now the bill comes. I grab for my wallet because I don't want to be rude and I say, "I can help you pay for half" he says "ok". I was floored! Jim asked me out the first time, I payed for it, then he asked me out the second time and he allowed me to pay for half. That was enough for me to call it quits. I took him off my BBM as I thought he was disrespectful. I got an email from him the next day asking me why I took him off. I didn't lie, I told him the truth. When a man asks a woman out, he should pay. This is especially true for the first date, or in this case for the second date after she paid for the first. He went on to explain that these days a man never knows whether he should pick up the bill or not and that he thought he would have insulted me, hence my independence. He wanted me to find happiness because I'm a great girl and i deserve it and that he counted himself lucky to have met me.
At this point I start feeling a little bad for being upfront and deleting him from my phone so I write back something nice and he asks me to give him another chance. I start thinking, perhaps he meant what he said and was just clueless on what to do. Maybe he really didn't think he should pay the entire bill and didn't know that men should be gentlemen and pay on the first date or at least the second date.
I decided to give him another chance so we planned an afternoon out. Well guess what...he stiffed me. LOL. He said his neighbour had a leak he had to go fix and that he left his phone at home. Well, his phone was off! I sold phones for 2 years, I know how they work. I said something to him about it and he said I was being sarcastic and I said "No, I'm being truthful". He said sarcastic, I said truthful. He took me off his BBM just like I did to him and then sent me an email saying that I wasn't right for him. Well no kidding Sherlock!
Get it, he did the same thing I did to him. I emasculated him (which I'm not proud of but he had to be told) and he had no intention on ever going out with me again, he just wanted to get me back. I wish him the best.
Laura Bilotta is the co-founder and personal matchmaker for Single in the City. She has a background in television, sales, radio, media and promotions. Her many years of experience working in the dating industry allows her to share her expertise and give dating and relationship advice.
I think he is right. Why you have to make such formula for dating. That is problem with most urban but not very mature ppl. No offense. How he knows who has to pay, it is not 1960's. And you don't have to make such criteria and drop him off. He you like him (his personalities) you can later tell me that he ws supposed to pay...
Posted by: Man | Jun 10, 2010 at 10:30 PM
this is a pathetic story ...
Posted by: GH | Jun 12, 2010 at 10:43 AM
Really and why is this a pathetic story? Men should be gentlemen.
Posted by: Laura Bilotta | Jun 14, 2010 at 11:58 AM
Wow, what a jerk to stand you up! And too stoop so low about it.
It's one thing to not pay for dinner but to stand you up? what a loser! In this day and age, the rules are so fuzzy when it comes to dating and who pays for what. Mind you it would tick me off if I was picking up the bill every time.
Posted by: City Girl | Jul 06, 2010 at 08:57 AM
but you OFFERED TO PAY no wonder the dude was confused!!!
they are not girls, they dont get the subtle polite offerings you do because its social etiquette. you want him to pay, dont grab for your wallet, dont OFFER to pay, let him do it! I think you deserved everything you got
Posted by: M | Jul 07, 2010 at 05:51 PM
Well I deserve everything I got is a little harsh don't you think? At the end of the day the situation is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
The reason I offered to pay is to be polite and guys appreciate when the women offers. I'm not saying that women should never pay for things because they should, it's a two way street. But for goodness sakes men need to step up on the first date and act like gentlemen.
Posted by: Laura Bilotta | Jul 09, 2010 at 02:27 PM
I am a single male in his 30s. I think she did not do anything wrong here. I think guys should pay for dinner. I have always paid for dinner whenever I date.
Posted by: nobody | Oct 06, 2010 at 12:09 PM